Learning from coaching - insights galore!

Last night I had a really good session with my Coachee from US. Although it was our first session, and we barely knew each other, there was a good sense of rapport between us. In a way, that again reminds me that no matter how we grew up, what our principles are, which languages we speak, we are very much alike as humans.

I've always preferred face to face coaching, trusting that being able to see, sense, and hear would deepen rapport and build a safe space for coaching. I am almost surprised that even without seeing my coachee, I could hear her energy level, thoughts and state of emotion perfectly well, and perhaps, this distance in fact allows for greater clarity.

It is again a reminder that mindfulness exists at all times, and in all situations. It is almost akin to allow yourself to freefall off a canyon, trusting that you will land safely with your parachute strapped on.

It was truly a very powerful feeling, that in focusing on another, one reaches the ability to suspend all judgement, all need for control, and just be in the space to listen for potential, to understand, to sense and to shape the conversation with great empathy, but no attachment to where the conversation leads.

Oftentimes when I coach, I can hear Colleen's voice, saying, just trust in the process, you already know what to say or ask. Just listen fully and be curious. How do you feel? What is behind this thought? Who controls this emotion? How would you be without this thought? what do you notice? What are you beginning to be aware of?

My coachee last night was very appreciative of her insights from our conversation, and could immediately see application into the rest of her behavior towards people, events and things. For me, it was a great learning oppportunity and a very humbling experience.

I learnt from her, how to hear what is beneath, to trust the energy that was in her voice, to realise that there were moments of reflections, and to appreciate the brief moments of silence in between. I learnt also to let go of the preconceived structures, and to allow for flexibility whilst keeping to the path.

I've also learnt from her, that in being aware of the emotion that is driving our behavior, our emotions literally dissipate, and what you end up with, is a strong sense of clarity, and a clear vision of the way forward.

What a beautiful state of mind to be in. and what else is possible?

Transition person

Yesterday, I learnt at 7 habits training, the concept of a transition person. We've all at one stage or another, have had mentors, inspiring managers, great relatives that we look up to, coaches who teach more than the essentials of a game, and friends who changed us.

However, the idea of a transition person is quite different, as I discover with a quick search of the internet.

One site speaks of the transition person as someone who appears in our lives as if by magic (sychrononicity)and has a role of clarifying our thoughts and actions. In metaphysics, this person has the role of waking us up to universal truths, lighting a new candle in the dark.

That all sounds great until, you realise that the transition person is exactly just that, a transition. Most transition persons do not stay in our lives, unless they are meant to. And the caution at the end of that article on the transition person warned of not falling in love with the person because you will get hurt, and deeply.

Most interesting.

In the 7 Habits paradigm, the transition person seems to be a catalyst for change, someone who brings you visions of a new way of being, and in doing so change your concept of the world and it's never the same again.

Looking back at different times in my life, I realise that many transition persons, very critical to my being, growth, development and creative energy have indeed appeared into my life at critical junctures, and some are no longer with me. I thought it would be a fun exercise to list them out, and what I learnt from them in a quick random order:

Yoong Kin - smart, intellectual, impeccable integrity

I learned from him, what a leader needs to be

Casilda - humourous, kind, no nonsense, strong

I learned from her the resilience one needs to be whole

Farene - my best friend, creative, never say die attitude, intuitive and forgiving

I learned from her what it means to be a good friend, across time and geographical boundaries, and what empathy means

Colleem - best coach trainer ever! strong, firm, generous and kind

I learned that it is often necessary to stand your ground, but be most sensitive and supportive doing so

Bernard Ho - being different, and learning always, even if it's tough

I learned that life doesnt always go your way, but you can choose how you react, and that changes you

Tze Meng - coach mentor,doesnt mince words, intuitive, sharp, strong personality, equally generous heart

I learned from him(and is still learning at this point)that it takes courage to be a good coach, and you fail no one except yourself.

As a write, I'm struck by a simple truth, that I coach because I want to be a transition person for others, and to faciliate their growth on their journeys. And the beauty of it all is that I can be that catalyst no matter what professional role I take, and no matter how inadequate I may feel.

And in Colleen's words, coaching is not about the coach, it is about the coachee. In a good coaching conversation, the coach is invisible. But the results are life changing.

Succinct, specific, generous and absolutely true.