I'd like permission to ask you a question to start. If you recalled early memories of childhood, the happy and sad moments, up to significant events in your formative years, schooling, your first job, can you "see" each of those memories vividly and clearly? Does it appear to be a linear timeline? Past, present and future?
I believe that for many of us, the past is still very much in our present. Afterall, most people would agree that experiences in their past, be it success or failure, have unconsciously shaped their words, thoughts and deeds.
Just to take a personal example: From young, I loved drawing. I would happily draw the same style of roses, again and again, in different colours, and in different stages of flowering. I did that all through my pre-primary years. Other people took naps, I painted roses. My mother passed non committal remarks about my first roses, teachers were appreciative, but in an absent minded way, but to me it was a masterpeice. I had dreams of exhibiting my paintings of roses in a gallery. I was in blissful state, caught in a reverie of my own construct.
Recently I was asked, do I paint well, my first automatic response was a strong negative. "Of course not!" I said, but if asked to just draw something (no pun intended for those who are fans of the iphone game "draw Something")I would happily comply. And although I'll never be the next Van Gogh, my love for beauty, art, and aesthetics forms part of my being.
What does the example I used tell us about the creation of memories?
1. Memories are constructs Just as I can easily list an example from my early childhood today, most of our memories are as easily accessible to us all. However, just as Anais Nin said," we don't see people as they are, we see them as we are."
Our reality and memories say more about what we believe, then what things really could be. It then means that we can still choose how we see things in the past. For every memory that was filed in the deep recesses of my unconscious, imagine what it would be like if I only recalled the happy snapshots.
When I was 5 years old, I fell down during a kindergarten sports day event, and started crying. A photographer then snapped that picture of my mom comforting me, and to this day, although I no longer remeeber the pain of the fall, I still have the yellowed news article, and it always makes me smile.
2. Memories anchor emotions
I work in human resources, and as part of my role, I meet people on a daily basis. I noticed that the people who made the most impression on me are those I was most interested to understand. Not the "powerful" or the demanding, but the ones I focused my attention on. I may not remember specific incidents (which is a good thing!), but I remember how certain people made me feel. Some people are beacons in the dark stormy night, whilst others can only best be described as a black hole. What do I choose to remember? You guessed it, I remember the brightest shinning stars in my life, people who turned grey days into sunny days.
3. Just as you have chosen in the past, so can you choose NOW
Do an experiment with your own thoughts. Recall a certain incident, and whilst you paint the entire scene with vivid detail, notice all the emotions you have. Excitement, apprehension perhaps, or is it just fear. Maybe it is uncertainty of the new experience, hey maybe it is just adrenaline coursing through yor system, it's joy at feeling alive and trying new things!
Freeze the scene for a moment. If you imagined yourself from the perspectives of others, what new thoughts comes to mind? Isn't it amazing that was we call the past, is very much here in our memory today!
Someone told me recently that people can't change, old habits die hard, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well, that is a belief one can choose. Old adages do speak of what is commonly perceived, but it is merely an opinion, which you can choose to agree with or not.
Humans are wired to prefer familar things, but just for today, try breaking your own patterns. If you always said to your child, "No you can't go out to the 7-11 to buy ice cream." Try instead, "Do you really want ice-cream? Are you hungry, which flavour do you want, anything else you prefer, Can I go with you?"
Just as we can shape our own memories, on a daily basis, we are also constantly shaping the memories of those we love.
Imagine the power you have.
No comments:
Post a Comment