More damaging than the perceived lost of support, is the lost of self belief, a certain optimism that just as crazy lousy things happen, so can the amazing great ones.
When there are various other options to pursue at any point, being lost is a unconscious choice to remain without a choice. No one really can stay without taking action for ever, unless there one has all the earthly resources needed for continuation of life in an urban city such as ours. Yet staying stuck is a useful experience too, if that's your choice, I wonder what choices are you not taking, and how and what is the story you make up to explain what's going on?
What are you afraid of, and what did you evade?
Many of us think taking actions is a good way to get out of a rut, yet sometimes staying the course can be the best action too. It really depends on what your goals in life are, and by that, I don't mean the goals you think you should have, and things that you feel obliged to do, or the things you choose to do for others, or even the goal you thought you wanted. The good thing is that as long as you are breathing, you can always change your mind. No one's judging you for making a mistake( except yourself, that is). It can be a greater folly to give in to pride and envy, fear and anger, indolence and indulgence, and continue to live a massive lie just to keep up appearances. And if staying is really a good choice, and it makes you happy( even if you hide it), all it takes a quick mental reframe, and everything does fall into place. If you feel a certain way, ask yourself what thought came before the fit of emotion.
Try that, isn't it interesting? We really are not our emotions.
You can procrastinate, lie to yourself, spin fanciful tales, tell stories that even you can't really determine whether or not are works of fiction or reality, or even better, believe that somehow you are doing things for the benefit of others ( the greatest noble lie of all, but nevertheless a sweet lie), but one day the truth will swing around and hit you squarely in the back of your head like a 20 year old boomerang spin.
One can only live for oneself, deception can be soothing for many, to say that others need you in order to survive is vanity, life does go on without you. That's God's biggest grace to us all, a short memory, a penchant for forgetfulness. Otherwise, can you imagine the nightmares we as humans will hang on to for eons, long after the splinter has been removed and the pain has healed. We love self flagellation, rehash the hurt again and again, embellish and go through it all over again my our minds, and even believe that people will never change, even if we ourselves change from one day to the next. The day will come when even hate must end, why not end it now? Must it take the separation that death brings, to realize that you've always had a better choice, one that we obstinately refuse to take? What would you call that? Stupidity, pride, fear, anger, indulgence, apathy? What is the name of your inner demon and dare you call it to its face?
For all of the things that don't go well, it however remains true that the light of others in our lives makes all of the best moments happen - joy, growth, love, hate, sadness and madness. That's right, I named hate, sadness and madness as one of the best moments in life. Just as day can't exist without night, many of our darker moments illuminate the best of the human spirit, and it is immaterial whether we acknowledge that or not. To live bravely, and to not be enslaved to our emotional or mental chains, is perhaps the uncharted frontier that we must attempt, if not to become who we can be, perhaps just for the heck of it.
If you were the only human left on earth, you would really love to deeply love, hate, talk to, hug, push, argue with someone just one more time, or even to sit quietly sipping coffee in the same space, so why not do it now consciously? For the last 10 years, I've been hanging on to a grudge against an old lady who may not even be lucid enough to know right now, tomorrow I will make plans to let that go. Just because I want to, and hell, holding on to a deadweight is really tiring emotionally and ultimately futile. Actually, I'll let that go NOW.
Ah...... Hmm much better. But of course, I'll still visit and say sorry even if it matters only to me.
Where life exist, where love exists, nothing can be broken for good. Just like the myth of Pandora's box tells us, when all of the ills of humankind has been unleashed onto earth, the only thing that always will remain is Hope. And if you can't hang on to hope, it's time to find a fellow human to talk to. Just as good friend of mine said, if one is feeling lost, maybe it's time to look for a map and chart a new course. Who knows, it may even be the path you abandoned that leads to the bubbling steaming hot spring after all. Never mind if it took silly you 5 years wandering in circles to finally get there.
