Who's to say never?

Last Saturday, I had the first tuition session with a good friend's niece. I've only tutored sporadically in my university days, but I had no hesitation tutoring this young lady, because what I was to do was not purely to teach English, I was to coach.

If you find this odd, you are not alone in feeling so.

I've seen this young lady in social and family settings. She is very generous to share, she defers to her siblings, she is obedient but rather slow, very kind and giving. What is sadly the missing part to this otherwise wonderful girl is that she has no interest in anything, not her herself, not her future, no ambition, no likes and dislikes.

How curious, I thought.

The purpose of my weekly lessons with her, was to comment on her weekly jounals, run through essays she writes, and assess her work in a creative writing workbook.

I quickly realise that she writes relatively well, albeit with colloquial interjections and careless tenses. She write 'badly' because that is what she believed. As such, she never checks what she writes, trusting instead that it's bad anyway.

Our conversation goes:

Me: What did you learn completing the workbook?
Her: There are many things that can be used in a compo(sition).
Me: Good, So how would that change your writing habit?
Her: Maybe prepare more and think of more things
Me: How do you remind yourself of that?

Me: How you do see your writing on a scale of 1 - 10?
Her: maybe 7 - 8? (with a scared sheepish look)
Me: That's good. Let's talk about what need to be done to get to 10, and what is a 10.

Does this sound familiar already?

Do I think she will pass her PSLE? Let's just say that we'll do our best, both of us, and the neuroscience research says that each week, as she builds more neural maps on English, writing, being expressive, adding more details to her essays, being more confident, being more interested in her work, as a side effect, she will pass her exams.

Well, that's my theory anyway.

As an aside, when I started learning to coach, there were two groups of people I believed I couldn't coach. 1) teens and children, and 2) people much older than myself. In 8 months, I've done both, so what's to say what can or cannot be done at the end of the day?

So learning point:this year, I shall try breaking some old beliefs and patterns. Chief of all would be:

1) that I can't write a book
2) that work that is meaningful can't pay the bills

I believe in a having a healthy dose of confidence, but still, I think my Ego is in for some shock and resistence!

And never say never.

If singing bowls could talk...

Anyone who has tinkered with a singing bowl quickly realises that sound is a energy wave, and even the softest chime carries a current.

My singing bowl is a small inexpensive one, but the tones that it carries is clear and resonant. I like to believe that bowls choose their owners, and mine certainly chose me.

Learning to play the singing bowl requires more than a strong and steady arm, it already requires a focused, calm mind. I found that out only last week when out of sheer frustration at how the work day ended, I picked up my bowl and starting tinkering with it.

I couldn't get a clear tone out of the singing bowl.

And I became aware of how my mind was distracted, and how heavy my shoulders felt. On impulse I used the mindfulness exercise taught in my intuitive coaching class, which in essence is focusing on my breath, allowiing the breath to flow through every part of my body and engaging all senses, touch, smell, sounds, sight,

I tried the singing bowl again afterwards. The sound that came out was so strong and clear, that everything in the room vibrated and my hand tingled for minutes after.

The thought came to my mind, that everything is energy, and the universe did begin with a sound. There is no past, not future, no seperation, everything is permeable.

What a wondrous thought indeed!

If everything is connected, every soul is energy, you and I are one. And we are one with the universe. This feeling is priceless.

Intuitive Coaching teleclass #1 - Being intuitive

What exactly is Intuition?

Words like "gut feel", "sense of unease","6th sense" comes to mind.

Houghton Mifflin's online dictionary defines Intuition as:

The act or faculty of knowing or sensing without the use of rational processes; immediate cognition.

Reflecting on this definition, one gets a sense that intuition is a subconscious activity, and perhaps not a wholly controllable one.

I have found however, that intuition is very much tapping into a space within your learning and knowledge, where useful but unconscious thoughts amalgamate into wisdom. If we follow that line of thinking, it simply means that our intuitive senses are only at good as our ability to perceive, assess and learn. We cannot have a concept of something that we don't know about or are not even aware of.

Intuitive individuals learn from the world, they consume books, ideas, they embrace new and exciting things, they question and they reflect. So if one desires to become intuitive, what are the possible ways? To me, two things come to mind:

1. Read voraciously
It is said that reading opens your mind to different worlds. One person's exposure to his or her native country provides information, knowledge of culture and practices of one location. Reading allows us to see places, some imaginary, some real, and broadens our horizons. When we understand more, our intuition grows.

2. Mindfulness
Many of us go through each day on auto pilot. We drive to a place on habit, we allow our reptilean brain to sense the environment around us, so we operate on a fight, flight or freeze mode. Let's take the example of road rage. If someone overtakes us, our response more often then not is to speed up. It's your ancient reptilean brain saying, "danger, there is competition and let's fight!"

When we become aware of our throughts, we the can more mindfully decide, is it a real danger? Does it matter? Is it worth my entire body tensing up? Why is there fear? or is it anger? If the driver in front is my husband, what changes?

Most people believe that they are masters of their life and their experiences, but if you asked most people why they behave in certain ways, they may not be able to fully explain why. That is because many of these emotions are brain based, and are reflexes and not conscious decisions. You don't choose to get out of your car to have an argument with the car in front just because she sped up to overtake, you allowed your emotions to get ahead of you, and your system to act in protection. Did you choose? How baffling is your response?

One useful method I have found is to name the emotion that we feel. Naming the emotions allows us to think whether it is really what we want, and if yes to act in a more purposeful manner, and if not, to let the emotion go.

And more importantly, brain research tells us that when we practice mindfulness, we build new maps in our brain, new connections, and eventually our responses will change to where our intention brings it.

Changing how our mind thinks and how we respond, now that is a whole new world.