The Nature of Awareness

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
- Anais Nin

In the training, teaching, mentoring and coaching circle, I have oftentimes heard people refer to Awareness as something that is essential and paramount to growth and self development. 

Yet, when I do ask individuals what awareness means to them, what I usually get is a rehash of the word itself. "You know, it's being aware", said one coaching client. I don't know about you, but even an apple means different things and draws out different senses and memories to you and me. I experienced that when I tried to described my thoughts and feelings on Jelly fish, and came to the conclusion that no two persons experience the same jelly fish the same way or in the same intensity.

I approached today's post in the same style as the way I tutor kids, and that's by inquiry in a coaching style. Let's broaden our paradigms and experience what comes.

From Wikipedia, "Awareness"  is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns. Taking a step back and just digesting this description, when one is aware, what it seems to mean is that one taps into our human senses, and notice the experience. It is what Gurdjieff means when he talks about self remembering. It is not just sitting and meditating, feeling or thinking. It is realising that what we experience in our inner landscape is separate from the objective reality of others, and that it may be the same or it may not. It is in fact, a state that is separate from what we think is our personality. We are not what we think or feel, we are perhaps more.

What helps in the development of awareness? 

Now, this is what my student taught me about awareness through our really fun session on what was studying techniques. We learnt about what our maps of learning are, and through experiencing the differences... we learnt from it.

Awareness comes as a by product of the following:

1. Looking at Language
In coaching, one important aspect of rapport is to have a good understanding of our client's map of the world. I've found that many people have limited vocabulary in the area of development that they most sorely needed. 

A client who wants control over anger, has next to no words to describe it beside "angry", and my student's vocabulary for anger is just "angry". Asking what really being angry is yields a surprised and baffled  look.

What I discover is that if all we know is angry or sad, we experience, usually, either anger or sadness. We don't look at what the feeling is really telling us, and what the real deal behind the anger is.

Anger is a state of emotion that arises when things different from what we want or expect turns up, and we are angry for vastly different reasons.

I'd like to borrow just two examples from the Enneagram to illustrate what Anger means to different people:

Perfectionists experience anger that is tightly coiled, controlled and it often means that a important standard has been breached, and corrective action needs to be made

Individualists experience anger as a hot expressive force that spins out of control. It signifies that a strong emotional reason behind the anger, something of value is lost, and it cannot ever be recovered again. 

As you can see, when we enrich our vocabulary of what the anger means, we learn much more about ourselves.

2. Experiment
In developing awareness, it helps to be somewhat playful with ourselves. I ran this exercise with my student when she asked why people get angry or sad. We talked about a dog she used to play with many years ago. When we talked about the dog's death, I asked her what she thought of, and when we talked about the best moments with the dog, again what her memories are.

At the end of the session, through her own effort, she learns that what we feel is often related to what we thought about, and if that is the case, we have full control over what we choose to dwell on.

We are sometimes our worst enemies, we believe things that make us unhappy, angry, powerless, defensive, unlikable people, and we use it to describe how the world or others really hurt us, when all we have been doing is using our own energy, and the fury of our fears and emotions to hurt ourselves. 

Being aware doesn't necessarily mean you are happier, it does mean that you have a great more flexibility in your life.

3. Joy
In tuition, all too often, teachers forget that everyone learns better when they are in a positive state. I've found that my student is amazing when she finds the positive energy to work on herself, she recalls past learning better, is more creative, and makes no careless errors. 

So really, what my role is, is to create such an environment for her. 

In being aware, being blissful and happy are also a supportive states. I am not a fan of developmental practices that requires people to seek out their worst memories and rehash them in vivid detail. The past is exactly that, the past, and reliving them is like eating last year's new year goodies, stale and not too tasty. 

If we learn from our negative experiences, which we do even if we don't bring it to the conscious, then we move on. Staying with the past does really nothing for us today, that it has not already done.

So in conclusion, what we can do to create more awareness in our lives, is to simply: 
1. Enrich our use of language   
2. Be experimental 
3. Be a child of bliss

Drop me a line, tell me what you think. What is your path to awareness?

"Only internal bliss is perpetual, nothing else is created to last. 

That's why God lives within us and all storms pass."

- Carl Henegan 

The Art of Drinking

Until recent years, coffee was something that I drank so much of, that it has become a drink of habit.

When I am happy, I have my usual local potent brew with friends, when sad, it's irish coffee with a strong punch, when feeling cold, it's double shot flat white, at Starbucks it's triple tall Americano.

Last year, I made a conscious choice to limit my caffeine intake for health reasons, and in doing so, I found yet another perspective.

When there is a feeling of lack, or feeling of having to resist something, there is an equal and opposing need to satisfy the need, it's like having to scratch an itch. Your whole body is filled with the desire to fulfil the need, you imagine it, you feel it, you are moody, anxious, distracted and angry.

I like to believe that addictions are addictions of the mind and nothing more, and when I realise that my thoughts bred my feeling, and that I consciously expanded my feelings, magnified them, made them much more than what my true feelings were, this insight came to me like a jolt of surprise.

This obsession was just.... coffee.

I am Ennegram type 4 (SP/SX/SO for those who are interested in instinctual stack), and realising that this inward journey and introspective focus is natural to me was a liberating feeling, a weakness and a strength. Obsession is a feeling of satisfaction and joy, it lends depth, and creates immense pluses for my ego, but at the end of the day, my ego is not me. Some of us, whether we admit it or not, love the chains that bind us, simply because they form a defined area that we can say is what we are. It's a comfortable place, this familiar spot, even if it is a familiar hurt or a familiar achievement.

Allow me to share my version of mindfulness. In a moment of contemplation over coffee, I wrote the following:

Like a warm inviting breeze
Your scent comes softly to me
Lingering, you speak of exotic spaces and places
Sunny days, dusty sunsets and cool blue nights

I awake to great anticipation
To seek in a cup, a swirl of bliss
of nameless friends and sacred journeys
My ambrosia, my inspiration, my destiny


And that my friends, is my way of drinking coffee mindfully. Knowing that I take not more than 2 cups a day, I drink them slow, savouring how delightful the taste of coffee truly is, and how glad I am to be alive, well and able to enjoy the pleasures of life. To hear the chatter of people, clink of coffee cups, warm air from the opening door, a warm cup of joy in my hands and the even warmer smiling eyes of a friend across from me.

When you are present, everything is bliss. And peace is inside as it is on the outside, always.

Seeds

Reading Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh's essays, to me, is like drinking a cool refreshing glass of water. He speaks of nourishing healthy seeds, and goes on to explain that consciousness exists on two levels, as seeds and as manifestations of those seeds.

Plant good seeds and you yield good outcomes, simple enough. What he goes on to talk about is the act of gathering a store of good seeds for difficult times, moments when nothing seems to be enough to support us. Those are moments when grief overcomes us, anger erodes our trust, and fear shakes our beliefs.

And this act of gathering good seeds is in itself a study in mindfulness; knowing that any action and emotion of ours is within our control. When we meet an angry person, who responds to us with fear and rudeness, it is hard to believe that even in that moment, the choice of calm is ours.

In the course of my work in Coaching, a side effect that I am happy to report, is increased calm and happiness. Perhaps of the mindfulness work that I blend into coaching sessions is spilling over into my life as well, who knows? Coaching using the knowledge of the Enneagram further adds to this awareness. When you know that you as coach have your own filters and fixations, each coaching session, although fully focused on your client, has a positive side effect of also illuminating what you yourself must learn.

So in a happy twist of fate, after searching years for the perfect job, I am in my version of the perfect job, as Coach. I am a gardener, who sits with others examining the best seeds to plant for their greatest happiness, sieving through the bad nuts as well as the good, nurturing the desire to stay the course, and celebrating success as well as bitter sweet moments when we discover together that the tree that promised all that one desires is but a mirage.

In sheltering others from the rain, I have found strength, and in loving when one is unlovable, I have seen courage. Just as the great teacher Claudio Naranjo says in conclusion to his book "the Enneagram of Society", this ending serves to me, an invitation and a beginning, " to think about all that will be added to us if we first of all occupy the Kingdom that is to be found within our hearts."

What things and wonders will come indeed!

Intuitive Coaching teleclass #1 - Being intuitive

What exactly is Intuition?

Words like "gut feel", "sense of unease","6th sense" comes to mind.

Houghton Mifflin's online dictionary defines Intuition as:

The act or faculty of knowing or sensing without the use of rational processes; immediate cognition.

Reflecting on this definition, one gets a sense that intuition is a subconscious activity, and perhaps not a wholly controllable one.

I have found however, that intuition is very much tapping into a space within your learning and knowledge, where useful but unconscious thoughts amalgamate into wisdom. If we follow that line of thinking, it simply means that our intuitive senses are only at good as our ability to perceive, assess and learn. We cannot have a concept of something that we don't know about or are not even aware of.

Intuitive individuals learn from the world, they consume books, ideas, they embrace new and exciting things, they question and they reflect. So if one desires to become intuitive, what are the possible ways? To me, two things come to mind:

1. Read voraciously
It is said that reading opens your mind to different worlds. One person's exposure to his or her native country provides information, knowledge of culture and practices of one location. Reading allows us to see places, some imaginary, some real, and broadens our horizons. When we understand more, our intuition grows.

2. Mindfulness
Many of us go through each day on auto pilot. We drive to a place on habit, we allow our reptilean brain to sense the environment around us, so we operate on a fight, flight or freeze mode. Let's take the example of road rage. If someone overtakes us, our response more often then not is to speed up. It's your ancient reptilean brain saying, "danger, there is competition and let's fight!"

When we become aware of our throughts, we the can more mindfully decide, is it a real danger? Does it matter? Is it worth my entire body tensing up? Why is there fear? or is it anger? If the driver in front is my husband, what changes?

Most people believe that they are masters of their life and their experiences, but if you asked most people why they behave in certain ways, they may not be able to fully explain why. That is because many of these emotions are brain based, and are reflexes and not conscious decisions. You don't choose to get out of your car to have an argument with the car in front just because she sped up to overtake, you allowed your emotions to get ahead of you, and your system to act in protection. Did you choose? How baffling is your response?

One useful method I have found is to name the emotion that we feel. Naming the emotions allows us to think whether it is really what we want, and if yes to act in a more purposeful manner, and if not, to let the emotion go.

And more importantly, brain research tells us that when we practice mindfulness, we build new maps in our brain, new connections, and eventually our responses will change to where our intention brings it.

Changing how our mind thinks and how we respond, now that is a whole new world.