Learning from coaching - insights galore!

Last night I had a really good session with my Coachee from US. Although it was our first session, and we barely knew each other, there was a good sense of rapport between us. In a way, that again reminds me that no matter how we grew up, what our principles are, which languages we speak, we are very much alike as humans.

I've always preferred face to face coaching, trusting that being able to see, sense, and hear would deepen rapport and build a safe space for coaching. I am almost surprised that even without seeing my coachee, I could hear her energy level, thoughts and state of emotion perfectly well, and perhaps, this distance in fact allows for greater clarity.

It is again a reminder that mindfulness exists at all times, and in all situations. It is almost akin to allow yourself to freefall off a canyon, trusting that you will land safely with your parachute strapped on.

It was truly a very powerful feeling, that in focusing on another, one reaches the ability to suspend all judgement, all need for control, and just be in the space to listen for potential, to understand, to sense and to shape the conversation with great empathy, but no attachment to where the conversation leads.

Oftentimes when I coach, I can hear Colleen's voice, saying, just trust in the process, you already know what to say or ask. Just listen fully and be curious. How do you feel? What is behind this thought? Who controls this emotion? How would you be without this thought? what do you notice? What are you beginning to be aware of?

My coachee last night was very appreciative of her insights from our conversation, and could immediately see application into the rest of her behavior towards people, events and things. For me, it was a great learning oppportunity and a very humbling experience.

I learnt from her, how to hear what is beneath, to trust the energy that was in her voice, to realise that there were moments of reflections, and to appreciate the brief moments of silence in between. I learnt also to let go of the preconceived structures, and to allow for flexibility whilst keeping to the path.

I've also learnt from her, that in being aware of the emotion that is driving our behavior, our emotions literally dissipate, and what you end up with, is a strong sense of clarity, and a clear vision of the way forward.

What a beautiful state of mind to be in. and what else is possible?

Transition person

Yesterday, I learnt at 7 habits training, the concept of a transition person. We've all at one stage or another, have had mentors, inspiring managers, great relatives that we look up to, coaches who teach more than the essentials of a game, and friends who changed us.

However, the idea of a transition person is quite different, as I discover with a quick search of the internet.

One site speaks of the transition person as someone who appears in our lives as if by magic (sychrononicity)and has a role of clarifying our thoughts and actions. In metaphysics, this person has the role of waking us up to universal truths, lighting a new candle in the dark.

That all sounds great until, you realise that the transition person is exactly just that, a transition. Most transition persons do not stay in our lives, unless they are meant to. And the caution at the end of that article on the transition person warned of not falling in love with the person because you will get hurt, and deeply.

Most interesting.

In the 7 Habits paradigm, the transition person seems to be a catalyst for change, someone who brings you visions of a new way of being, and in doing so change your concept of the world and it's never the same again.

Looking back at different times in my life, I realise that many transition persons, very critical to my being, growth, development and creative energy have indeed appeared into my life at critical junctures, and some are no longer with me. I thought it would be a fun exercise to list them out, and what I learnt from them in a quick random order:

Yoong Kin - smart, intellectual, impeccable integrity

I learned from him, what a leader needs to be

Casilda - humourous, kind, no nonsense, strong

I learned from her the resilience one needs to be whole

Farene - my best friend, creative, never say die attitude, intuitive and forgiving

I learned from her what it means to be a good friend, across time and geographical boundaries, and what empathy means

Colleem - best coach trainer ever! strong, firm, generous and kind

I learned that it is often necessary to stand your ground, but be most sensitive and supportive doing so

Bernard Ho - being different, and learning always, even if it's tough

I learned that life doesnt always go your way, but you can choose how you react, and that changes you

Tze Meng - coach mentor,doesnt mince words, intuitive, sharp, strong personality, equally generous heart

I learned from him(and is still learning at this point)that it takes courage to be a good coach, and you fail no one except yourself.

As a write, I'm struck by a simple truth, that I coach because I want to be a transition person for others, and to faciliate their growth on their journeys. And the beauty of it all is that I can be that catalyst no matter what professional role I take, and no matter how inadequate I may feel.

And in Colleen's words, coaching is not about the coach, it is about the coachee. In a good coaching conversation, the coach is invisible. But the results are life changing.

Succinct, specific, generous and absolutely true.

Re-creating you everyday

As humans, we always seek to define ourselves, what we are, is it good or bad, how we measure up to our friends, neighbors and to everyone else under the sun. Today I realize that I can choose all that or I can choose to be undefined.

When I think of that, I immediately felt lighter, because it is no longer relevant to be in the space of the past, and we often that the past is...just that, the past. Whether it is last decade, last week or ten seconds ago. We constantly recreate ourselves, and to keep ourselves 'normal' we largely re created the same US each day!

How amazing is that!?

Infinite beings recreating the same persona everyday!

Today I had a coaching session with a coaching course mate Sufian, and had a really delightful time. One question that he asked me that I really liked was how I would apply my new coaching mindset to the rest of my life, as opposed to just within the workplace.

I paused because then question caused me to reflect. Why not indeed! So I will choose to:

Be curious
Listen for potential
Practice non judgement
Be present

And trust that I do have everything I need, and there is something right about what I have chosen all along.

What a fabulous way of being! What else is possible! Tomorrow morning, I'll recreate me and all of life comes to me with ease, joy and glory!

The path of synchronicity - between the ego and the shadow

It used to be that I often marveled at how life seems to happen in a flow, and that unrelated things and events happen that are just right for you. Perhaps it is true that when you love ferraris, somehow you will see bright red ones everywhere. I am a firm believer that when you intend something more often then not, things will happen. However, sometimes what happens is what you need rather then what you prefer.

I started my journey into Coaching also as part of a series of oddly synchronized events. I have been thinking of ways in which I can reach people better and more genuinely, and coaching appeared in the horizon. It was not by any stretch of the imagination a straight forward path. Perhaps I chose not to heed my instincts, perhaps it was fear, and perhaps it simply wasn't time.

I am now entering into the 12 and final session of my coach training, and it seems as if the more I learn, the more there is to learn. It is most curious and very disconcerting. Some people would say that the training enables coaches, provides training to 'do' the real job of coaching, but to me, this was a journey further inwards then I would have expected.

I am again reminded of my trainer Coleen's words, that as coaches we see people as fundamentally whole and complete, and that we ourselves must see ourselves as complete as well. Today as I went through the tele class, my old friend self doubt resurfaced. I am not sure I know enough, or can do enough to be a good coach, and I keep feeling like I've sailed off the cliff on wings of intention alone, and have found them wholly inadequate.

And true to the powers of intention, I opened Dr Allan Hunter's book on the path of sychronicity, where he says right at the introduction
that "a signpost does not have to be made of gold - it just has to point the right direction."

In a sense, I've stepped into a space between the ego and the shadow, where neither sunlight nor rain falls, and where I must be whole to start with, or perceive that I am, or perish. And right there was my insight: everything that I am learnt, it is indeed enough, trust your instinct and the process. Nobody said that it would be easy, only the ego promised a easy path, and the shadow whispered of fear, inadequacies and failure.

In a sense, my coaching journey has been one inwards where I reflect on why I do things, realized that I didnt know my self very well, and upon seeing who I am, I didnt like myself too much. Yet at the end of the day, this very battered signpost can still show the path to bewildered travelers and in doing so, serve its purpose.

Life is immensely wonderful, and I am grateful for all the people I met on the way, some benign, some lovely, and some, belonged right in Dante's journey into the underworld, demons of charm and horror. After all, hell is not just a place we've seen, it's also a frame of mind.

And the choosing of which we take, is not always as clear as we might have hoped.