The mirror has two faces

Many a times Enneagram enthusiasts find themselves in a dilemma. As they pored through the descriptions of types, and the associated traits, they suddenly find themselves bound to deny or disassociate themselves from the very traits they see in themselves.

And more often then not, ironically, these are the traits that made them successful at work.

I remember a strong, sophisticated looking lady, a fellow enneagram classmate, asking me with some measure  of anguish, how she could be less of her type. How she could be acceptable to others, how others can fear her less.

I still remember what I said to her, perhaps because the pain that I felt was mirrored in myself. I said that she was every bit the perfection of who she already is, and that what she seeks to hide may very well be her gifts, the fruits of the spirit. Perhaps removing the "too" from whatever descriptor she had judged herself to be, could be a first step, yet, sometimes, there is nothing to change, what is, already serves her well, it's just from whose perspective it is..too much.

Yes, as you can see, I am rather the dare devil sometimes, being contrarian runs in my blood.

The Enneagram is like a mirror to me, it reflects aspects of who I could be, and who I am today, and shows me the shadow of who I was.

Some of my fellow 4s tell me that life often sucks for a type 4, the tendency to spiral deep into a negative emotional state at the drop of a hat, self consciousness, a projection of a veneer of being something worthy, never finding what's essentially not lost, it all becomes a baggage.

Yet, the more I travel on this Enneagram path, the less I feel a compulsion to judge myself. Equanimity is to me, a state of balance. It is seeing things for what they really are. And it really hard to "un-see" what you are now acutely aware of.

The past, images, scenes, love, loss, these are like pictures on the wall, they cannot hurt the present. If they do, it is only because I want it, I will it, and I languish in it.

Once we see both sides of the same coin, there is no good or bad, it just is.

Seeing the beauty in the smallest act, seeing the artistry in cup of coffee, the beauty of a sunset, feeling touched by beauty, these are gifts, and these I share with the people I meet in my life. You've got to understand that following the path down the rabbit hole is sometimes a most wonderful thing, even if it is pain, sadness, and loss that leads us down this path. And it is loss that makes me cherish life, light and darkness, ying and yang. It is a close shave with death that makes me want to shake people up, with Type 8 anger and fury, wake up, you are alive, choose to live!

Something my mentor said to me yesterday resonated with me. Just as 4s intensify their feelings and emotions, type 5s or any other type does the same, and for 5s a feeling of numbness is intensified, it's a feeling of no emotions, a cloak of emptiness. The question is, what are you doing it for? And how has your "gift" served you? And there is almost always, a positive intention behind something you do, and a choice. What we call our fixations, are merely patterns that we are at liberty to transform.

Key words here are: Aware - choice - being different - change

The development paths in the enneagram, are less prescriptions, rather they are signposts. Knowing that you are a type 2, doesn't mean you spend all your time practicing saying no to people, and turning down every request. It is realising just who you are, and why you do anything, and taking joy in creating a life that brings you fulfilment in all aspects. It is loving yourself and loving others. And standing up for yourself, as much as you stand up for others.

It is becoming less a automaton, a machine of reflex.

It is becoming conscious, self observing and present.

It is a balance and a choice. Neither a "must", or "should", it is a "choose to".

And I've got to tell you that the future has truly just begun.We've only just begun.