Lost in the woods

As I wander somewhat despondently in the woods of my soul's despair, lost and bereft of people I trusted or so I believe, a realization came to me that one can never be really lost, without first losing oneself. How does one 'get' lost, shouldn't it be, one is (now) lost?

More damaging than the perceived lost of support, is the lost of self belief, a certain optimism that just as crazy lousy things happen, so can the amazing great ones.

When there are various other options to pursue at any point, being lost is a unconscious choice to remain without a choice. No one really can stay without taking action for ever, unless there one has all the earthly resources needed for continuation of life in an urban city such as ours. Yet staying stuck is a useful experience too, if that's your choice, I wonder what choices are you not taking, and how and what is the story you make up to explain what's going on?

What are you afraid of, and what did you evade? 

Many of us think taking actions is a good way to get out of a rut, yet sometimes staying the course can be the best action too. It really depends on what your goals in life are, and by that, I don't mean the goals you think you should have, and things that you feel obliged to do, or the things you choose to do for others, or even the goal you thought you wanted. The good thing is that as long as you are breathing, you can always change your mind. No one's judging you for making a mistake( except yourself, that is). It can be a greater folly to give in to pride and envy, fear and anger, indolence and indulgence, and continue to live a massive lie just to keep up appearances. And if staying is really a good choice, and it makes you happy( even if you hide it), all it takes a quick mental reframe, and everything does fall into place. If you feel a certain way, ask yourself what thought came before the fit of emotion. 

Try that, isn't it interesting? We really are not our emotions.

You can procrastinate, lie to yourself, spin fanciful tales, tell stories that even you can't really determine whether or not are works of fiction or reality, or even better, believe that somehow you are doing things for the benefit of others ( the greatest noble lie of all, but nevertheless a sweet lie), but one day the truth will swing around and hit you squarely in the back of your head like a 20 year old boomerang spin.  

One can only live for oneself, deception can be soothing for many, to say that others need you in order to survive is vanity, life does go on without you. That's God's biggest grace to us all, a short memory, a penchant for forgetfulness. Otherwise, can you imagine the nightmares we as humans will hang on to for eons, long after the splinter has been removed and the pain has healed. We love self flagellation, rehash the hurt again and again, embellish and go through it all over again my our minds, and even believe that people will never change, even if we ourselves change from one day to the next. The day will come when even hate must end, why not end it now? Must it take the separation that death brings, to realize that you've always had a better choice, one that we obstinately refuse to take? What would you call that? Stupidity, pride, fear, anger, indulgence, apathy? What is the name of your inner demon and dare you  call it to its face?

For all of the things that don't go well, it however remains true that the light of others in our lives makes all of the best moments happen - joy, growth, love, hate, sadness and madness. That's right, I named hate, sadness and madness as one of the best moments in life. Just as day can't exist without night, many of our darker moments illuminate the best of the human spirit, and it is immaterial whether we acknowledge that or not. To live bravely, and to not be enslaved to our emotional or mental chains, is perhaps the uncharted frontier that we must attempt, if not to become who we can be, perhaps just for the heck of it.

If you were the only human left on earth, you would really love to deeply love, hate, talk to, hug, push, argue with someone just one more time, or even to sit quietly sipping coffee in the same space, so why not do it now consciously? For the last 10 years, I've been hanging on to a grudge against an old lady who may not even be lucid enough to know right now, tomorrow I will make plans to let that go. Just because I want to, and hell, holding on to a deadweight is really tiring emotionally and ultimately futile. Actually, I'll let that go NOW. 

Ah...... Hmm much better. But of course, I'll still visit and say sorry even if it matters only to me.

Where life exist, where love exists, nothing can be broken for good. Just like the myth of Pandora's box tells us, when all of the ills of humankind has been unleashed onto earth, the only thing that always will remain is Hope. And if you can't hang on to hope, it's time to find a fellow human to talk to. Just as good friend of mine said, if one is feeling lost, maybe it's time to look for a map and chart a new course. Who knows, it may even be the path you abandoned that leads to the bubbling steaming hot spring after all. Never mind if it took silly you 5 years wandering in circles to finally get there.

The Nature of Awareness

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
- Anais Nin

In the training, teaching, mentoring and coaching circle, I have oftentimes heard people refer to Awareness as something that is essential and paramount to growth and self development. 

Yet, when I do ask individuals what awareness means to them, what I usually get is a rehash of the word itself. "You know, it's being aware", said one coaching client. I don't know about you, but even an apple means different things and draws out different senses and memories to you and me. I experienced that when I tried to described my thoughts and feelings on Jelly fish, and came to the conclusion that no two persons experience the same jelly fish the same way or in the same intensity.

I approached today's post in the same style as the way I tutor kids, and that's by inquiry in a coaching style. Let's broaden our paradigms and experience what comes.

From Wikipedia, "Awareness"  is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns. Taking a step back and just digesting this description, when one is aware, what it seems to mean is that one taps into our human senses, and notice the experience. It is what Gurdjieff means when he talks about self remembering. It is not just sitting and meditating, feeling or thinking. It is realising that what we experience in our inner landscape is separate from the objective reality of others, and that it may be the same or it may not. It is in fact, a state that is separate from what we think is our personality. We are not what we think or feel, we are perhaps more.

What helps in the development of awareness? 

Now, this is what my student taught me about awareness through our really fun session on what was studying techniques. We learnt about what our maps of learning are, and through experiencing the differences... we learnt from it.

Awareness comes as a by product of the following:

1. Looking at Language
In coaching, one important aspect of rapport is to have a good understanding of our client's map of the world. I've found that many people have limited vocabulary in the area of development that they most sorely needed. 

A client who wants control over anger, has next to no words to describe it beside "angry", and my student's vocabulary for anger is just "angry". Asking what really being angry is yields a surprised and baffled  look.

What I discover is that if all we know is angry or sad, we experience, usually, either anger or sadness. We don't look at what the feeling is really telling us, and what the real deal behind the anger is.

Anger is a state of emotion that arises when things different from what we want or expect turns up, and we are angry for vastly different reasons.

I'd like to borrow just two examples from the Enneagram to illustrate what Anger means to different people:

Perfectionists experience anger that is tightly coiled, controlled and it often means that a important standard has been breached, and corrective action needs to be made

Individualists experience anger as a hot expressive force that spins out of control. It signifies that a strong emotional reason behind the anger, something of value is lost, and it cannot ever be recovered again. 

As you can see, when we enrich our vocabulary of what the anger means, we learn much more about ourselves.

2. Experiment
In developing awareness, it helps to be somewhat playful with ourselves. I ran this exercise with my student when she asked why people get angry or sad. We talked about a dog she used to play with many years ago. When we talked about the dog's death, I asked her what she thought of, and when we talked about the best moments with the dog, again what her memories are.

At the end of the session, through her own effort, she learns that what we feel is often related to what we thought about, and if that is the case, we have full control over what we choose to dwell on.

We are sometimes our worst enemies, we believe things that make us unhappy, angry, powerless, defensive, unlikable people, and we use it to describe how the world or others really hurt us, when all we have been doing is using our own energy, and the fury of our fears and emotions to hurt ourselves. 

Being aware doesn't necessarily mean you are happier, it does mean that you have a great more flexibility in your life.

3. Joy
In tuition, all too often, teachers forget that everyone learns better when they are in a positive state. I've found that my student is amazing when she finds the positive energy to work on herself, she recalls past learning better, is more creative, and makes no careless errors. 

So really, what my role is, is to create such an environment for her. 

In being aware, being blissful and happy are also a supportive states. I am not a fan of developmental practices that requires people to seek out their worst memories and rehash them in vivid detail. The past is exactly that, the past, and reliving them is like eating last year's new year goodies, stale and not too tasty. 

If we learn from our negative experiences, which we do even if we don't bring it to the conscious, then we move on. Staying with the past does really nothing for us today, that it has not already done.

So in conclusion, what we can do to create more awareness in our lives, is to simply: 
1. Enrich our use of language   
2. Be experimental 
3. Be a child of bliss

Drop me a line, tell me what you think. What is your path to awareness?

"Only internal bliss is perpetual, nothing else is created to last. 

That's why God lives within us and all storms pass."

- Carl Henegan 

Recycled Romance - Dating a Type

This morning while surfing the next at breakfast, my attention was caught by an interesting header: Recycled Romance - Stars who date a Type. And that is the story of Tiger Woods and the gorgeous new gal. I do have to admit, the two blonde ladies do look a little alike, down to the sweet gentle smile. (And if you do want that story it's on http://entertainment.xin.msn.com)

Of course, I am sure that story had more to do with the interested party's physical attributes or perhaps a certain similarity in dressing or in family background, and less to do with Enneagram type.

Let's just for a moment stay on that thought. What if we do choose a certain type, and without awareness, we find ourselves repeatedly in similar versions of the same "romance"?

What is it that we see that attracted us again and again, like moths to a flame?

Are we in effect reliving an ideal that we seek through different people who remind us of the same attributes?

Imagine how that could be scary: we date Jim, Mike, Peter, but really we dated the same type of a person, and to our minds, the story is the same. When we wake tomorrow, do we know who it is that we live with?

The holy grail of the Enneagram, if I may call it that, lies in the ability to choose who we are, and being free really means seeing things for what they really are and creating real options... to chose from, of course. I have heard people tell themselves, it's no use, I can't help it. Often what they really mean is that they don't want to, rather than they can't. And if they don't want to, there is a strong secondary benefit that they perceive gaining from staying in the current rut they are in, even if that prison is really painful and dismal.

And truth be told, sometimes we don't want to see or admit what is the true in our lives. We choose a false script of success, the blame game, the if-only-I-was-richer(healthier, prettier,taller etc) story, stuck in the broken past memory, and many other versions of the stories we tell ourselves.

Looking at people, situation and things, we often pass the power of choice out onto the hands of others. Once we take back our power of creation and the attached responsibility, perhaps it means that we are now responsible for our own successes and failures.

And loving the one we do love, is not so much a matter of luck after all. Perhaps changing the script of our lives takes a lot out of us, and it is not always what we want to do. Yet, if we do not want to change the story, then perhaps just admitting that our lives as it is today, really is a choice.

So if I ask myself, what is my life today? Do I love, create and want it?

What's your answer? If you don't, what are you REALLY prepared to create?

The mirror has two faces

Many a times Enneagram enthusiasts find themselves in a dilemma. As they pored through the descriptions of types, and the associated traits, they suddenly find themselves bound to deny or disassociate themselves from the very traits they see in themselves.

And more often then not, ironically, these are the traits that made them successful at work.

I remember a strong, sophisticated looking lady, a fellow enneagram classmate, asking me with some measure  of anguish, how she could be less of her type. How she could be acceptable to others, how others can fear her less.

I still remember what I said to her, perhaps because the pain that I felt was mirrored in myself. I said that she was every bit the perfection of who she already is, and that what she seeks to hide may very well be her gifts, the fruits of the spirit. Perhaps removing the "too" from whatever descriptor she had judged herself to be, could be a first step, yet, sometimes, there is nothing to change, what is, already serves her well, it's just from whose perspective it is..too much.

Yes, as you can see, I am rather the dare devil sometimes, being contrarian runs in my blood.

The Enneagram is like a mirror to me, it reflects aspects of who I could be, and who I am today, and shows me the shadow of who I was.

Some of my fellow 4s tell me that life often sucks for a type 4, the tendency to spiral deep into a negative emotional state at the drop of a hat, self consciousness, a projection of a veneer of being something worthy, never finding what's essentially not lost, it all becomes a baggage.

Yet, the more I travel on this Enneagram path, the less I feel a compulsion to judge myself. Equanimity is to me, a state of balance. It is seeing things for what they really are. And it really hard to "un-see" what you are now acutely aware of.

The past, images, scenes, love, loss, these are like pictures on the wall, they cannot hurt the present. If they do, it is only because I want it, I will it, and I languish in it.

Once we see both sides of the same coin, there is no good or bad, it just is.

Seeing the beauty in the smallest act, seeing the artistry in cup of coffee, the beauty of a sunset, feeling touched by beauty, these are gifts, and these I share with the people I meet in my life. You've got to understand that following the path down the rabbit hole is sometimes a most wonderful thing, even if it is pain, sadness, and loss that leads us down this path. And it is loss that makes me cherish life, light and darkness, ying and yang. It is a close shave with death that makes me want to shake people up, with Type 8 anger and fury, wake up, you are alive, choose to live!

Something my mentor said to me yesterday resonated with me. Just as 4s intensify their feelings and emotions, type 5s or any other type does the same, and for 5s a feeling of numbness is intensified, it's a feeling of no emotions, a cloak of emptiness. The question is, what are you doing it for? And how has your "gift" served you? And there is almost always, a positive intention behind something you do, and a choice. What we call our fixations, are merely patterns that we are at liberty to transform.

Key words here are: Aware - choice - being different - change

The development paths in the enneagram, are less prescriptions, rather they are signposts. Knowing that you are a type 2, doesn't mean you spend all your time practicing saying no to people, and turning down every request. It is realising just who you are, and why you do anything, and taking joy in creating a life that brings you fulfilment in all aspects. It is loving yourself and loving others. And standing up for yourself, as much as you stand up for others.

It is becoming less a automaton, a machine of reflex.

It is becoming conscious, self observing and present.

It is a balance and a choice. Neither a "must", or "should", it is a "choose to".

And I've got to tell you that the future has truly just begun.We've only just begun.

Sharing an Umbrella

Today on the way home after a coaching session, I was waiting at a traffic crossing for a ride from a friend whom I was meeting for lunch.

It was a wet, cold day, with rain falling in sheets and people rushing off to lunch or from lunch. This is the kind of downpour that makes you wish you were at home, tucked in bed, lost in a book and nursing a piping hot coffee.

Lost in my thoughts, my reverie was interrupted by kind looking gentleman who stopped in front of me before he crossed the street to get back to his office. I sense a little hesitation as he opened his umbrella and offered me shelter to the other side of the road.

This is the first time someone offered to share his umbrella with me, and in the past, caught in similar downpours I have bemoaned the fact that people do longer care about others, and the empathy and depth of our human connection seems lost. And the truth is, we all had space under our large umbrellas for another umbrella-less soul.

And this one simple gesture absolutely warmed my heart. If I wanted a sign, this was it.

A thought came to me; we don't really need the propaganda that our government is famous for, keep Singapore clean and green, the Kindness movement, so on and so forth, all we need is a little love from our own heart, the desire to share just a little with the nameless others in our little island. If it was common practice to share our umbrella with others every time it rained, just for that brief moment, Singapore would become a much kinder and more gracious city with each downpour.

Imagine that. And it's just one small gesture.

Whoever you are, kind gentleman, who works somewhere at Singtel in Somerset, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I don't now who you are, but you have made my day.

And oh, I stand corrected, Chivalry is not dead here.

   "A little fall of rain
            Will make the flowers
                          grow"
                                   - Les Misérable

Spring is a Time of Renewal

It's lunar new year here in Singapore, and the festive season always brings to mind feasting, gatherings, celebrating, letting loose and enjoying life.

Although there are no seasons in Singapore, as we are located on the Equator, there is still a perceptible buzz of newness, what we call "Spring wind" which heralds auspicious renewal for all. And it is at this time that I like to start coaching sessions with clients. As they say, rowing with the wind is much easier then rowing against it, and there is nothing like a multi sensory reminder that one's life is not static, if we do not want to achieve anything in the year, it is likely that we will not.

Everything and anything that I use in my coaching work, I test on myself, after all, it is futile to offer mental exercises and other tools of the trade without first trying them on oneself. Today, my chosen topic is the use of the Dream Board. 

Also known as a vision board, this version that I use is a visual reminder of all of the things that are important to oneself, so it could be pictures, lists, scents, news paper articles, in fact anything that captures the important and nourishing things in our lives. Placed at a location that one sees on a daily basis, the board serves as an anchor to the things that we seek and desire for the year (or longer).

This daily reminders does quite a few things for us:

1. Daily dose of Love
Daily affirmation of what we love and want in life fuels our motivation to maintain habits and and stay on course. Brain science research shows that what we focus on strengthens our neural pathways for those thoughts, and it's not useful to think of what didn't happen, it's much easier to create new thinking and new habits.

2. Mind your thoughts
5 mins of positive contemplation at the start or end of the day helps center our thoughts and creates a positive strong start. Everything that was created began with a thought, just as the mighty oak trees grew from a tiny seed. Watch your thoughts, nurture your spirit and watch your create energy grow.

3. Energy follows intention
It's not easy following through with goals that we set, and if you surveyed people who started the year with new year resolutions, you will find that many do not remember what they were past the second month. A dream board is a reminder that something is still important to you, and that your energy is following your intentions to fulfil those goals. I know people with family mission statements placed in a place of honour prominently, and those were the families that kept together, stayed together and supported each other.

4. Follow your bliss
The dream board is not a static one, each month or weeks that pass brings either new things to the board or some items get removed or shelved.
Refocusing only has two rules: 
A. Items that are removed must be things do not serve you anymore
B. New things that are added must ring your bliss and joy. If you set something, and you feel numb or ambivalent towards it, discard.

5. Share yourself
Placing your dream board in a prominent place has an additional effect on others in your family. Many of us infrequently share our thoughts on things that matter to us most. Our dream board allows others to support our goals and understand us better. One of the most lovely boards I have seen was a family board, where each of the things that everyone in the family wanted was featured like a giant crystal spiderweb, beautifully interconnected, just as we are all inter-connected spiritually and energetically.

Have you started thinking of what your board looks like? When was the last time you updated your board? Are you open to all of the possibilities in your life and are you really living fully?

Fashion and the Enneagram

In my many years of HR work, I've often noticed how the first 5-10 mins of any first meeting had significant impact on the subsequent relationship, be it professional or social. Some people have shared a instant rapport for some people and for some, it's dislike at first sight. Most people wouldn't be able to explain just what's wrong, but there are always many reasons why one is loved or hated.

In the last 5 years or so, I've noticed that the hip and happening younger crowd tends to appear at interviews exerting their individual style, some with great finesse and others more of a miss than hit. I won't and can't speak for all industries, but interviews perhaps still require formal etiquette and dress, and what you wear or dress in, says a lot more than you think.

Musing with a friend just a couple of days back, this is what I gathered about what one's dressing say about them and their enneagram type. Imagine this: if I understand Enneagram types, and behaviours, your dressing certainly says a lot more to me, and I certainly can assess you with different questions that brings out your best and your worst.

(Note: This is a tongue-in-cheek look at Enneatype fashion, any resemblance to actual persons is unintended)

Type 1 - The Moralist, Perfectionist, the good person

Type 1s love looking right for official events, dressed in the best they can afford, dark sombre power suits and muted tones, shades of black, blue and gray. If wearing white, it's got to be clean white and spotless. Type 1 ladies love pearls, perfection in a oyster.

Never to be caught dead in brown shoes with black suits(for that matter socks of the wrong colour), you can almost see them doing a critique of that reflection in the mirror as their eyes linger over every stray hair, every crease and the shine of their shoe.

Type 2 - The Helper, people pleaser, the special friend

Type 2s project comfort and warmth, and their clothes say the same. Warm tones, cotton whites, yellow , beige and browns, earth colours and blue the colour of a sunny day. Their dressing says, I'm your friend, and I am here for you. I am comfortable and I want you to feel the same way. Type 2s can dress for impact as well, but they appeal to your feelings and your heart, non obtrusive gentle materials and scent. Bags may not match their clothes but the material will often be soft and inviting.

Type 3 - The Achiever, status seeker, the "Best"

Shirts tucked in securely in their Armani pants, constantly posing for pictures(in their mind), and on the look out for persons of interest, the type 3 dresses for others. The message the type 3 projects is, look at how successful I look, be awed, and admire me.

Type 3s prefer colours that make them look good, suave or glamourous(ie. rich), and good = success = role model. The salesman's uniform of dark suit and power red ties were created for type 3s.

There is often a rigidity in the type 3's speech and body language because they are trying to figure out what you want them to say to you, and how to impress you. Looking into a type 3's eyes, you often see emptiness looking back at you, like a mirror that reflects only your own image, that is, if they would look you in the eyes. 

Type 4 - The romantic, tragic player, the aesthete

Type 4s have a penchant for the dramatic aspects of life. The black they wear is midnight black, not the usual half baked black, and blue is noble royal blue and red is maroon, the shade of blood. Understated style is the calling card of a type 4, no neon greens and yellows. The focus is on "the look", and 4s dress to match the image of themselves in their mind's eye. 

Type 4s follow classic looks that never get out of style, and have a love of fine things, warm wood, leather and unique pieces and things that evoke an entire bygone era.

Type 5 - The Thinker, observer, the mentalist

Type 5s are no frills dressers. Simple, block colours, not too loud, and nothing that calls attention to them. Blacks. wood greens, calm blue, soft sorbet orange, whites. No stiff materials and unnecessary adornments. Type 5s grew up with a certain laid back style, and they stick with it. If they find something that they like to wear, they would buy it in all of the colours they like and stock up, and that's the shopping quota for the year. Buy a new short, I prefer a good hair cut.

Fashion is anything that does not clash too badly when worn together. Afterall, there are much more important things to contemplate, dressing is a rather frivolous waste of time. But wait, they are likely to be wearing a gadget that is fresh on the market, with a whole series of impressive functions.

Type 6 - The Loyalist, doubter, the guardian

Type 6s wear the simple, presentable, clean and neat version of what other people wear. Checks, plaid, simple buttons. If there is a uniform to wear, that's great! Played down, simple white based prints are what type 6s prefer, afterall, there is so much to do, something easy to wash, iron or dry (and are dependable and last for a long time) are the best bets. 

Buying anything tends to take a long time, there are things to consider, and once they find a preference, they stick with it. If the company stops production and move out to Thailand, they will find a way to buy...in Thailand.

Type 7 - The Enthusiast, Energizer bunny, the multi-tasker

The style of a Type 7 is often describes as eclectic. Multiple styles and patterns are captured in one full smorgasbord, something new, something classic, something quirky. Creative and adventures, 7s wear their sunshine on their skin, in colourful mixes, accessories, prints and materials. Life is fun, and the Type 7 wardrobe reflects that, a little bit of everything, and anything that goes together. And the truth is, everything does go together for a type 7. Wear the same thing every week? Oh what a bore....

Type 7s love fashion, experimentation, finding new styles and leading the trend. You can almost always tell a female 7 from everyone else, well put together, energetic mix of materials, buttons of unusual materials, trendy shoes. They will never be caught dead wearing what everyone else is wearing, they modify and make things their own style.

Type 8 - The Challenger, maverick, the leader

Type 8s in the business world are gritty, strong, "spare me the excuses and get to the chase" type of leaders, and their dressing matches that. Suits, simple, black and white, they almost always feel and look larger than life. They charge into rooms with great force, and you better know it. 

Off work, they maintain a white polo tee, smart casual combo. Hardly the type to fuss over fashion, type 8s need comfortable clothes, things that do not restrict their bodily actions and strong gestures. Their choice of clothes work as hard as they do, so they better be good quality and comfortable.

Type 9s - The Peacemaker, comforter, the consensus seeker

Type 9s prefer clothes that are like them, laid back, non obtrusive, and fades into the background. The dress according to their environment, and will be happy wearing the same sets of matching items weekly. Clothes and accessories if any, are matching, and only paired the same way. 

Types 9s are easy going and their clothes project calm. From boardroom to lunch, always cool as a cucumber. 

As I come to the end of this page, do you find yourself thinking of what you wear, and what friends and loved ones wear? What does the way you dress say to others? 

Does this speak to you of shopping trips and how you love or hate some styles of dress? For today, step out and notice what everyone's wearing and saying with what they wear.

The Art of Drinking

Until recent years, coffee was something that I drank so much of, that it has become a drink of habit.

When I am happy, I have my usual local potent brew with friends, when sad, it's irish coffee with a strong punch, when feeling cold, it's double shot flat white, at Starbucks it's triple tall Americano.

Last year, I made a conscious choice to limit my caffeine intake for health reasons, and in doing so, I found yet another perspective.

When there is a feeling of lack, or feeling of having to resist something, there is an equal and opposing need to satisfy the need, it's like having to scratch an itch. Your whole body is filled with the desire to fulfil the need, you imagine it, you feel it, you are moody, anxious, distracted and angry.

I like to believe that addictions are addictions of the mind and nothing more, and when I realise that my thoughts bred my feeling, and that I consciously expanded my feelings, magnified them, made them much more than what my true feelings were, this insight came to me like a jolt of surprise.

This obsession was just.... coffee.

I am Ennegram type 4 (SP/SX/SO for those who are interested in instinctual stack), and realising that this inward journey and introspective focus is natural to me was a liberating feeling, a weakness and a strength. Obsession is a feeling of satisfaction and joy, it lends depth, and creates immense pluses for my ego, but at the end of the day, my ego is not me. Some of us, whether we admit it or not, love the chains that bind us, simply because they form a defined area that we can say is what we are. It's a comfortable place, this familiar spot, even if it is a familiar hurt or a familiar achievement.

Allow me to share my version of mindfulness. In a moment of contemplation over coffee, I wrote the following:

Like a warm inviting breeze
Your scent comes softly to me
Lingering, you speak of exotic spaces and places
Sunny days, dusty sunsets and cool blue nights

I awake to great anticipation
To seek in a cup, a swirl of bliss
of nameless friends and sacred journeys
My ambrosia, my inspiration, my destiny


And that my friends, is my way of drinking coffee mindfully. Knowing that I take not more than 2 cups a day, I drink them slow, savouring how delightful the taste of coffee truly is, and how glad I am to be alive, well and able to enjoy the pleasures of life. To hear the chatter of people, clink of coffee cups, warm air from the opening door, a warm cup of joy in my hands and the even warmer smiling eyes of a friend across from me.

When you are present, everything is bliss. And peace is inside as it is on the outside, always.

Seeds

Reading Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh's essays, to me, is like drinking a cool refreshing glass of water. He speaks of nourishing healthy seeds, and goes on to explain that consciousness exists on two levels, as seeds and as manifestations of those seeds.

Plant good seeds and you yield good outcomes, simple enough. What he goes on to talk about is the act of gathering a store of good seeds for difficult times, moments when nothing seems to be enough to support us. Those are moments when grief overcomes us, anger erodes our trust, and fear shakes our beliefs.

And this act of gathering good seeds is in itself a study in mindfulness; knowing that any action and emotion of ours is within our control. When we meet an angry person, who responds to us with fear and rudeness, it is hard to believe that even in that moment, the choice of calm is ours.

In the course of my work in Coaching, a side effect that I am happy to report, is increased calm and happiness. Perhaps of the mindfulness work that I blend into coaching sessions is spilling over into my life as well, who knows? Coaching using the knowledge of the Enneagram further adds to this awareness. When you know that you as coach have your own filters and fixations, each coaching session, although fully focused on your client, has a positive side effect of also illuminating what you yourself must learn.

So in a happy twist of fate, after searching years for the perfect job, I am in my version of the perfect job, as Coach. I am a gardener, who sits with others examining the best seeds to plant for their greatest happiness, sieving through the bad nuts as well as the good, nurturing the desire to stay the course, and celebrating success as well as bitter sweet moments when we discover together that the tree that promised all that one desires is but a mirage.

In sheltering others from the rain, I have found strength, and in loving when one is unlovable, I have seen courage. Just as the great teacher Claudio Naranjo says in conclusion to his book "the Enneagram of Society", this ending serves to me, an invitation and a beginning, " to think about all that will be added to us if we first of all occupy the Kingdom that is to be found within our hearts."

What things and wonders will come indeed!

This is a Fork - Discovery through the Enneagram

Last night, I picked up a fork (to eat dessert with) and remembered the 5 magical days I spent in Ginger's Coaching with the Enneagram course in Hong Kong.

To me, the enneagram is complex and as I read more each day, things fall into place, yet often the mist parts only to reveal even more areas of obscurity and tantalising bits of insight. The greatest learning I gained from the course was that when we are open and awareness to the innate possibilities of each type, we find that we are indeed all deeply connected.

Being aware is truly only the beginning. Through learning to listen to what is unspoken, to connect at the head, heart and gut level, sharing and understanding paradigms, not assuming that we all have the same maps of the world,  tapping our intuition, laughing joyfully at ourselves when we trap ourselves with baffling stories of what we hold ourselves to be, then did we begin the journey towards insight. And this awareness then allows us as coaches to gently challenge what our clients really could become.

In a way, the mix is the class couldn't be more perfect. We had all the 9 types, albeit some still sitting on fence of their "chosen type", and enough interaction time to understand the motivations, pecularities, impulse and defense mechanisms of each type. If you asked me before the class whether I understood the monkey mind of a type 7, the need to be needed of a type 2, or the concept of success as self of a type 3, I would be totally baffled, but today as I think back on those energetic discussions, role plays and exercises we did, I remember fondly how beautiful every soul in class was regardless of type, and how beautifully the light shines in each of us.

For me, the course started a journey with the enneagram that I did not anticipate, suddenly the world really is multi dimensional and filled with texture, imagery, sounds and sights. (No, we did not eat anything unusual in class) Expanding our mind and energies past the old confines really made all the difference.

Back to the fork.

Somewhere in Aberdeen, HK, there is a hotel in which some of the forks now know that they are:

"shiny, prickly, useful, glittering, a weapon, a comb, curvy, sensual, hard, just the right weight, balanced, beautiful, branded, plays a nice tone when tapped, silver, bright, sharp, sometimes sad, sometimes optimistic, ready to see the world"

Just like the wonderful enneagram coaches they are most similar to. Isn't it absolutely beautiful that we can be anyone we choose to be, just like those shiny happy forks in Aberdeen.

Following the signposts on the Enneagram path

How I came to be in HK on a 5 day long enneagram coaching certification course is a story in Syncronicity itself.

I was merely searching the web using two words "coaching" and "Asia". When I found the program, my first instinct was to sign up. However, being a careful prudent person ( I can't sign up for every course I find after all) I decided that I would send an email asking for more information on the course itself, especially since it was held in HK and details will need it be worked out.

As a pre-requisite, participants needed to have read Ginger's Lapid-Bogda's book on enneagram coaching, and at that time, I certainly have never read anything on the enneagram.

I do know my ennea type, thanks to my mentor, but my knowledge of the enneagram can only be described as superficial at best. So I spent 2 days going into every bookshop I can find, but nope, no book.

So I took the natural (at least it was natural for me) next step which was to throw the challenge to the universe. If it was right for me to attend the course in HK, the book will turn up.

The next day, I shared the course details with my mentor, just for another opinion, and lo and behold, he not only has the book I need to read, but two others that would be good to read.

What's a girl to do? I sent a warm thank you to the universe, and signed up for the course.

The course changed my understanding of human relationships, and the drivers of behavior. Just as many teachers have appeared in my life, Ginger was an amazing teacher. Always challenging paradigms, but with great humour and a gentle type two love for humanity.

I am again reminded that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

There are many moments of insight and discovery during the course, but that is a story for another day. Key take aways, cherished moments are moments of exploring different coaching methodologies, centering exercises: Colour washing, NLP basics, projection, reframing, energy and voice and my all time favorite, the use of metaphors.

The journey continues, and the path becomes clear.

Walking in Dante's footsteps

Once again I find myself drawn to Dante Alighieri's poetic masterpiece, The Divine Comedy.

 

It would appear that fourteenth-century Florence has so much in common with present day urban existence that it defies logic and imagination.

 

We would have thought that as society marched on in search of progress and prosperity, and people would be happier now that they had all of the comforts of present day living that even Kings and Queens did not enjoy in ancient days.

 

Dante's main protagonist, the Pilgrim, started his journey in the Divine commedy trapped in a "dark wood". In a way, many of us do live in a forest of similar treachery, a sinister place where we create our own sorrows and our fears.

 

Spying a mountain top "shawled in morning rays of light, he was determined to escape towards the light. Being then blocked by fearsome beasts, he retreated. In a way, this is what many of us do on a daily basis, we dream, we seek, and we tell ourselves a thousand reasons why we are not good enough. These reasons distract us, soothe us and comfort our ego, but they are at the end of the day, our personal illusions.

 

Just as all appears to be lost, the Pilgrim is met by his first spiritual guide, Virgil, one of many others on the path. The journey however was one that brought the Pilgrim through hell before, purgatory and paradise.

 

In the current day and age, instant gratification is the order of the day, fast food, fast cars, 24 hours everything you can want. However, somethings nags at us. In our minds, encased by our material possessions and the trappings of modern life, we remain unhappy, dissatisfied, plagued by anxiety, fear, envy, a mind that seems to distort our own reality, a mind that seemed to control our emotions.

 

My personal journey has been one that mirror's the Pilgrim's journey, having found myself in a hell of negative states, I had no awareness that my mind is not all that I am. I was fortunate to be joined in my journey by souls of light, real life friends and guides, who were willing to stick it out with me, and light a candle instead of cursing the darkness.

 

Somehow the journey seems to go on forever, just as I thought I've gotten somewhere towards a state of peace and joy, the path leads me back where I started, and I am forced to admit my own human failings. But what seemed to be a circular path was a only deception of the mind, one of mockery and despair. With clear insight, I realise that the journey has taken on a different level, I cannot discount the peace I feel in my heart, although negative stages still exist and intrude on an otherwise blissful existence from time to time.

 

I no longer stay mired in negative stages, choosing to witness, and let go. My Reiki teacher, Elaine Grundy's words echo in my mind, "If sadness is leaving, let it leave, do not hold it back with questions and further examination!"

 

 

Being able to choose. Feeling good for no good reasons at all.

I feel that I am perched on the threshold towards a different path, and whilst I still do not have answers, the feeling I name this time around is one of excitement, hope and joy.

I am witnessing my fears and trepidations, recognising it in some of the people I love and care for, and choosing to say to them (and to myself), there is nothing to fear, nothing to lose.

I am with you, and our higher wisdom will guide and protect us both.

Patterns

Understanding your own patterns can change your life.

I'd like permission to ask you a question to start. If you recalled early memories of childhood, the happy and sad moments, up to significant events in your formative years, schooling, your first job, can you "see" each of those memories vividly and clearly? Does it appear to be a linear timeline? Past, present and future?

I believe that for many of us, the past is still very much in our present. Afterall, most people would agree that experiences in their past, be it success or failure, have unconsciously shaped their words, thoughts and deeds.

Just to take a personal example: From young, I loved drawing. I would happily draw the same style of roses, again and again, in different colours, and in different stages of flowering. I did that all through my pre-primary years. Other people took naps, I painted roses. My mother passed non committal remarks about my first roses, teachers were appreciative, but in an absent minded way, but to me it was a masterpeice. I had dreams of exhibiting my paintings of roses in a gallery. I was in blissful state, caught in a reverie of my own construct.

Recently I was asked, do I paint well, my first automatic response was a strong negative. "Of course not!" I said, but if asked to just draw something (no pun intended for those who are fans of the iphone game "draw Something")I would happily comply. And although I'll never be the next Van Gogh, my love for beauty, art, and aesthetics forms part of my being.

What does the example I used tell us about the creation of memories?

1. Memories are constructs Just as I can easily list an example from my early childhood today, most of our memories are as easily accessible to us all. However, just as Anais Nin said," we don't see people as they are, we see them as we are."

Our reality and memories say more about what we believe, then what things really could be. It then means that we can still choose how we see things in the past. For every memory that was filed in the deep recesses of my unconscious, imagine what it would be like if I only recalled the happy snapshots.

When I was 5 years old, I fell down during a kindergarten sports day event, and started crying. A photographer then snapped that picture of my mom comforting me, and to this day, although I no longer remeeber the pain of the fall, I still have the yellowed news article, and it always makes me smile.

2. Memories anchor emotions
I work in human resources, and as part of my role, I meet people on a daily basis. I noticed that the people who made the most impression on me are those I was most interested to understand. Not the "powerful" or the demanding, but the ones I focused my attention on. I may not remember specific incidents (which is a good thing!), but I remember how certain people made me feel. Some people are beacons in the dark stormy night, whilst others can only best be described as a black hole. What do I choose to remember? You guessed it, I remember the brightest shinning stars in my life, people who turned grey days into sunny days.

3. Just as you have chosen in the past, so can you choose NOW
Do an experiment with your own thoughts. Recall a certain incident, and whilst you paint the entire scene with vivid detail, notice all the emotions you have. Excitement, apprehension perhaps, or is it just fear. Maybe it is uncertainty of the new experience, hey maybe it is just adrenaline coursing through yor system, it's joy at feeling alive and trying new things!

Freeze the scene for a moment. If you imagined yourself from the perspectives of others, what new thoughts comes to mind? Isn't it amazing that was we call the past, is very much here in our memory today!

Someone told me recently that people can't change, old habits die hard, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well, that is a belief one can choose. Old adages do speak of what is commonly perceived, but it is merely an opinion, which you can choose to agree with or not.

Humans are wired to prefer familar things, but just for today, try breaking your own patterns. If you always said to your child, "No you can't go out to the 7-11 to buy ice cream." Try instead, "Do you really want ice-cream? Are you hungry, which flavour do you want, anything else you prefer, Can I go with you?"

Just as we can shape our own memories, on a daily basis, we are also constantly shaping the memories of those we love.

Imagine the power you have.

"Every avalanche start as a snow flake."

Life's Golden Ticket

Today was an ordinary day. It was a day of cloudy skies speckled with rain, filled with people rushing about trying to get somewhere.

What was magical was the book I read today. A book titled "Life's Golden Ticket" written by Brendon Burchard.

But this blog post is not about the book, although I would urge anyone and everyone to get a copy. It is about me being given a second chance in life, and yet for 10 years I chose to continue in life pretty much the same way I always have.

The year was 2000, 1 day after my 23rd Birthday. I am almost ashamed to say this, after a horrid shouting match with my Mother the day before, I was felled by a brain Haemorrhage. The massive bleed in my brain caused seizures, and disabled all of my visual, motor control and balance. It was by divine grace, that I got in touch with my Dad through my mobile. I did so by hitting the redial button on my trusty Nokia 3210, though at that point I could no longer see.

After I woke up in hospital, I begun a painstaking recovery, learning to read, learning to write and speak again, learning to balance, and learning to do up buttons. You read it right, I had to learn to button and unbutton shirts. It required immense effort. To my loved ones, it was great that I was came out of the coma, but to me, life was never really the same again.

Along with my old friend fear and self doubt, I have acquired self pity, a victim mentality, and a continued antagonistic approach towards my family, whom I saw as not being able to understand me.

The voices in my head whispered: "Of course they don't understand, they just want to brush your pain aside, they want you to go back to work, and get off their back...."
I can tell you that that was a dark space to be in. I was scarred physically and mentally, and the face I see in the mirror was clouded with despair.

I forced myself to recover as quickly as I could, I read even though focusing on any thing made my head hurt, I tried to read aloud, although words came out in a gibberish, I cried myself to sleep every other night.

Of course, as you could guess, I did recover, and life went on,but somehow, I realise now that lessons that unlearnt will be re-learnt. Just to prove that I am perfectly fine, I worked harder than most, I took on challenging roles and portfolios, worked deep into the night most days.

Yet everything wasn't fine, I was unhappy, lonely even in good company, depressed after work, tired and burnt out.

Like a refrain, the words in my mind haunted me, no they taunted me.

"You escaped death only to live this sorry, meaningless excuse of a life, what else is there, what is the purpose? Do you have a purpose?"

What if there is no purpose?

As I read "Life's Golden Ticket", I felt myself unravelling. I was always so full of excuses, I wanted the world to run according to me, I was going to achieve everything, it was my right after all that I suffered. I wanted people in my life to change, yet I failed to see that I was the one who needed changing. I have changed for the positive in many ways, but now it is time to empty the cup, and fill my life anew.

Over the last year, almost by magic, I started to re-examine my life, I slowed down, in part due to burn-out, I was a strong assesrtive person at work, but at night I crumbled. I had mysterious gastric ailments that no doctors had cures for. The ones in my life counldn't understand my depressive moods and mad reliance on sleeping pills.

My doctor during one of those visits said quite clearly to me:"Perhaps you need to do a different job."

He was right in a way, but what I needed was not a different job, it was a different perspectve on life.

These days, I am a different person inside. Still strong willed, and still seeking growth, but I have tempered all of these expectation with one very key ingredient. And that is Compassion.

I cannot coach others well until I deal with my own shadows. And my mentor was right, I self-coach all the time, and in doing so, I have found peace through a new focus on others important to my life. I listen like I never listened before, if my best friend calls, I will pick the call no matter what.

Just as I learnt in 7 Habits, I must place the big rocks in my life into the bucket first, pebbles and sand can go in last.

I am privileged to be able to learn coaching, and even more privilege to have a good mentor who nudges me into clarifying my direction.

It is never easy, and achieving goals will always take time and tenacity. But today I know that I have found my strength, and slowly but surely I will become what I've always wanted to be. I will stop saying it's too late.

And to all my loved ones, friends and people I have yet to meet, will you take my hand, and walk with me? There are wondrous sights to behold, and great many adventures to embark on, if you want it.

_______________________________________________________________

Dedicated to my parents, my best friend Farene, Colleen, the best coach trainer and to Tze Meng, my mentor and my friend. Yes, please hold me accountable to what I promise to do.

Who's to say never?

Last Saturday, I had the first tuition session with a good friend's niece. I've only tutored sporadically in my university days, but I had no hesitation tutoring this young lady, because what I was to do was not purely to teach English, I was to coach.

If you find this odd, you are not alone in feeling so.

I've seen this young lady in social and family settings. She is very generous to share, she defers to her siblings, she is obedient but rather slow, very kind and giving. What is sadly the missing part to this otherwise wonderful girl is that she has no interest in anything, not her herself, not her future, no ambition, no likes and dislikes.

How curious, I thought.

The purpose of my weekly lessons with her, was to comment on her weekly jounals, run through essays she writes, and assess her work in a creative writing workbook.

I quickly realise that she writes relatively well, albeit with colloquial interjections and careless tenses. She write 'badly' because that is what she believed. As such, she never checks what she writes, trusting instead that it's bad anyway.

Our conversation goes:

Me: What did you learn completing the workbook?
Her: There are many things that can be used in a compo(sition).
Me: Good, So how would that change your writing habit?
Her: Maybe prepare more and think of more things
Me: How do you remind yourself of that?

Me: How you do see your writing on a scale of 1 - 10?
Her: maybe 7 - 8? (with a scared sheepish look)
Me: That's good. Let's talk about what need to be done to get to 10, and what is a 10.

Does this sound familiar already?

Do I think she will pass her PSLE? Let's just say that we'll do our best, both of us, and the neuroscience research says that each week, as she builds more neural maps on English, writing, being expressive, adding more details to her essays, being more confident, being more interested in her work, as a side effect, she will pass her exams.

Well, that's my theory anyway.

As an aside, when I started learning to coach, there were two groups of people I believed I couldn't coach. 1) teens and children, and 2) people much older than myself. In 8 months, I've done both, so what's to say what can or cannot be done at the end of the day?

So learning point:this year, I shall try breaking some old beliefs and patterns. Chief of all would be:

1) that I can't write a book
2) that work that is meaningful can't pay the bills

I believe in a having a healthy dose of confidence, but still, I think my Ego is in for some shock and resistence!

And never say never.

If singing bowls could talk...

Anyone who has tinkered with a singing bowl quickly realises that sound is a energy wave, and even the softest chime carries a current.

My singing bowl is a small inexpensive one, but the tones that it carries is clear and resonant. I like to believe that bowls choose their owners, and mine certainly chose me.

Learning to play the singing bowl requires more than a strong and steady arm, it already requires a focused, calm mind. I found that out only last week when out of sheer frustration at how the work day ended, I picked up my bowl and starting tinkering with it.

I couldn't get a clear tone out of the singing bowl.

And I became aware of how my mind was distracted, and how heavy my shoulders felt. On impulse I used the mindfulness exercise taught in my intuitive coaching class, which in essence is focusing on my breath, allowiing the breath to flow through every part of my body and engaging all senses, touch, smell, sounds, sight,

I tried the singing bowl again afterwards. The sound that came out was so strong and clear, that everything in the room vibrated and my hand tingled for minutes after.

The thought came to my mind, that everything is energy, and the universe did begin with a sound. There is no past, not future, no seperation, everything is permeable.

What a wondrous thought indeed!

If everything is connected, every soul is energy, you and I are one. And we are one with the universe. This feeling is priceless.

Intuitive Coaching teleclass #1 - Being intuitive

What exactly is Intuition?

Words like "gut feel", "sense of unease","6th sense" comes to mind.

Houghton Mifflin's online dictionary defines Intuition as:

The act or faculty of knowing or sensing without the use of rational processes; immediate cognition.

Reflecting on this definition, one gets a sense that intuition is a subconscious activity, and perhaps not a wholly controllable one.

I have found however, that intuition is very much tapping into a space within your learning and knowledge, where useful but unconscious thoughts amalgamate into wisdom. If we follow that line of thinking, it simply means that our intuitive senses are only at good as our ability to perceive, assess and learn. We cannot have a concept of something that we don't know about or are not even aware of.

Intuitive individuals learn from the world, they consume books, ideas, they embrace new and exciting things, they question and they reflect. So if one desires to become intuitive, what are the possible ways? To me, two things come to mind:

1. Read voraciously
It is said that reading opens your mind to different worlds. One person's exposure to his or her native country provides information, knowledge of culture and practices of one location. Reading allows us to see places, some imaginary, some real, and broadens our horizons. When we understand more, our intuition grows.

2. Mindfulness
Many of us go through each day on auto pilot. We drive to a place on habit, we allow our reptilean brain to sense the environment around us, so we operate on a fight, flight or freeze mode. Let's take the example of road rage. If someone overtakes us, our response more often then not is to speed up. It's your ancient reptilean brain saying, "danger, there is competition and let's fight!"

When we become aware of our throughts, we the can more mindfully decide, is it a real danger? Does it matter? Is it worth my entire body tensing up? Why is there fear? or is it anger? If the driver in front is my husband, what changes?

Most people believe that they are masters of their life and their experiences, but if you asked most people why they behave in certain ways, they may not be able to fully explain why. That is because many of these emotions are brain based, and are reflexes and not conscious decisions. You don't choose to get out of your car to have an argument with the car in front just because she sped up to overtake, you allowed your emotions to get ahead of you, and your system to act in protection. Did you choose? How baffling is your response?

One useful method I have found is to name the emotion that we feel. Naming the emotions allows us to think whether it is really what we want, and if yes to act in a more purposeful manner, and if not, to let the emotion go.

And more importantly, brain research tells us that when we practice mindfulness, we build new maps in our brain, new connections, and eventually our responses will change to where our intention brings it.

Changing how our mind thinks and how we respond, now that is a whole new world.

Learning from coaching - insights galore!

Last night I had a really good session with my Coachee from US. Although it was our first session, and we barely knew each other, there was a good sense of rapport between us. In a way, that again reminds me that no matter how we grew up, what our principles are, which languages we speak, we are very much alike as humans.

I've always preferred face to face coaching, trusting that being able to see, sense, and hear would deepen rapport and build a safe space for coaching. I am almost surprised that even without seeing my coachee, I could hear her energy level, thoughts and state of emotion perfectly well, and perhaps, this distance in fact allows for greater clarity.

It is again a reminder that mindfulness exists at all times, and in all situations. It is almost akin to allow yourself to freefall off a canyon, trusting that you will land safely with your parachute strapped on.

It was truly a very powerful feeling, that in focusing on another, one reaches the ability to suspend all judgement, all need for control, and just be in the space to listen for potential, to understand, to sense and to shape the conversation with great empathy, but no attachment to where the conversation leads.

Oftentimes when I coach, I can hear Colleen's voice, saying, just trust in the process, you already know what to say or ask. Just listen fully and be curious. How do you feel? What is behind this thought? Who controls this emotion? How would you be without this thought? what do you notice? What are you beginning to be aware of?

My coachee last night was very appreciative of her insights from our conversation, and could immediately see application into the rest of her behavior towards people, events and things. For me, it was a great learning oppportunity and a very humbling experience.

I learnt from her, how to hear what is beneath, to trust the energy that was in her voice, to realise that there were moments of reflections, and to appreciate the brief moments of silence in between. I learnt also to let go of the preconceived structures, and to allow for flexibility whilst keeping to the path.

I've also learnt from her, that in being aware of the emotion that is driving our behavior, our emotions literally dissipate, and what you end up with, is a strong sense of clarity, and a clear vision of the way forward.

What a beautiful state of mind to be in. and what else is possible?

Transition person

Yesterday, I learnt at 7 habits training, the concept of a transition person. We've all at one stage or another, have had mentors, inspiring managers, great relatives that we look up to, coaches who teach more than the essentials of a game, and friends who changed us.

However, the idea of a transition person is quite different, as I discover with a quick search of the internet.

One site speaks of the transition person as someone who appears in our lives as if by magic (sychrononicity)and has a role of clarifying our thoughts and actions. In metaphysics, this person has the role of waking us up to universal truths, lighting a new candle in the dark.

That all sounds great until, you realise that the transition person is exactly just that, a transition. Most transition persons do not stay in our lives, unless they are meant to. And the caution at the end of that article on the transition person warned of not falling in love with the person because you will get hurt, and deeply.

Most interesting.

In the 7 Habits paradigm, the transition person seems to be a catalyst for change, someone who brings you visions of a new way of being, and in doing so change your concept of the world and it's never the same again.

Looking back at different times in my life, I realise that many transition persons, very critical to my being, growth, development and creative energy have indeed appeared into my life at critical junctures, and some are no longer with me. I thought it would be a fun exercise to list them out, and what I learnt from them in a quick random order:

Yoong Kin - smart, intellectual, impeccable integrity

I learned from him, what a leader needs to be

Casilda - humourous, kind, no nonsense, strong

I learned from her the resilience one needs to be whole

Farene - my best friend, creative, never say die attitude, intuitive and forgiving

I learned from her what it means to be a good friend, across time and geographical boundaries, and what empathy means

Colleem - best coach trainer ever! strong, firm, generous and kind

I learned that it is often necessary to stand your ground, but be most sensitive and supportive doing so

Bernard Ho - being different, and learning always, even if it's tough

I learned that life doesnt always go your way, but you can choose how you react, and that changes you

Tze Meng - coach mentor,doesnt mince words, intuitive, sharp, strong personality, equally generous heart

I learned from him(and is still learning at this point)that it takes courage to be a good coach, and you fail no one except yourself.

As a write, I'm struck by a simple truth, that I coach because I want to be a transition person for others, and to faciliate their growth on their journeys. And the beauty of it all is that I can be that catalyst no matter what professional role I take, and no matter how inadequate I may feel.

And in Colleen's words, coaching is not about the coach, it is about the coachee. In a good coaching conversation, the coach is invisible. But the results are life changing.

Succinct, specific, generous and absolutely true.

Re-creating you everyday

As humans, we always seek to define ourselves, what we are, is it good or bad, how we measure up to our friends, neighbors and to everyone else under the sun. Today I realize that I can choose all that or I can choose to be undefined.

When I think of that, I immediately felt lighter, because it is no longer relevant to be in the space of the past, and we often that the past is...just that, the past. Whether it is last decade, last week or ten seconds ago. We constantly recreate ourselves, and to keep ourselves 'normal' we largely re created the same US each day!

How amazing is that!?

Infinite beings recreating the same persona everyday!

Today I had a coaching session with a coaching course mate Sufian, and had a really delightful time. One question that he asked me that I really liked was how I would apply my new coaching mindset to the rest of my life, as opposed to just within the workplace.

I paused because then question caused me to reflect. Why not indeed! So I will choose to:

Be curious
Listen for potential
Practice non judgement
Be present

And trust that I do have everything I need, and there is something right about what I have chosen all along.

What a fabulous way of being! What else is possible! Tomorrow morning, I'll recreate me and all of life comes to me with ease, joy and glory!